Please refrain from messaging me if...You're into young, makeup encrusted girls that take half naked selfies in their bathroom, making that stupid "kissy" or "duck face." When you meet me, you won't want to smudge your finger through my face and write "wash me," I promise...A sugar daddy - I will not rub your bunions or anything else for that matter, in exchange for my rent being paid. (Insert vomit here)Being called into the Maury Povich show for a paternity test. If you are the father in the case of 4 year old Shamika Jamar Yolanda Watson, I'm not your gal.You're going to ask me how my weekend is going, especially when it's Wednesday. Yes, it's happened more than once, lol.Are making kissy faces or are barely dressed/shirtless in your photos. I like to dress and leave something to the imagination. You should too. No one wants to see your nips. Put some pasties on them ****es, please!Under the age of 33, don't have a stable career or live in your mommas house. Yes, the basement counts. Nice try.A drug user or have herpes. Chlamidya and Crabs are fine, but herpes? Way too much! Lol.An inexperienced wuss. I need a man. I already have a pu$$y and I don't need another one. I don't want to have to teach you about life and relationships.A liar. White lies count too. If you lie, I WILL find out and you can bet your sweet a$$ I will leave you before you can bat an eyelash. Communication and honesty are key. How can I fix something if I don't know something's wrong? I'm not Miss fukkin Cleo. I don't have a crystal ball and I'm certain you can't read minds either. If I'm upset, I'll tell you straight up as opposed to sitting there with a sour puss look on my face.You enjoy strip clubs. Please go back to sticking your head up Candy and Cinnoman's booty.If you think I'm a total nut job after reading the above then keep reading because, well, I AM a total nutjob :)I can do more to describe myself rather than attaching a bunch of flattering adjectives to my name. Unlike most women that tend to glorify themselves on their dating profiles, I'll share the truth, the good and the bad. I'm a classy, potty mouthed ****. Ok, I'm lying...about the classy part, lol. I hold doors open for strangers and help old ladies cross the street but if you rub me the wrong way I will become a sadistic, evil demon from hell that will make you wish you were never born. When I'm happy, I bake cookies n shyt :)My idea of a great Saturday night is being at home watching a movie - not hugging my toilet after having shots. I'm low maintence but I like the finer things in life. I'm not a drinker but am 420 friendly :) I like the uxorious type (you know you're gonna google that shyt!)My hobbies are as follows: Midget tossing, stealing lollipops from children, punching pregnant women in the stomach, convincing random drunk people that I'm their long lost twin baby brother, dancing around in my underwear, pretending to be Madonna, using a hairbrush as my microphone, fist pumping, watching reality TV shows that make my IQ drop drastically, tapping random people on the shoulder and ducking when they turn around and of course, playing hopscotch with my legs tied together. It's awesome, you should really try it. I actually really do like Poker, Rap, Hip-Hop, R&B, Reggae and 80's music. I LOVE the Miami HEAT team, animals, bowling, ice skating - anything that doesn't involve me to run too much, lol. I'm quick witted, sharp, can take a joke and am not easily offended - unless you try to touch my titty - then we fightin' homie! I believe sarcasm is the spice of life so if you have no sense of humor you're as useless to me as tits on a bull. Looks can only go so far. I'm a sapiosexual and enjoy being mentally stimulated. I'm far from normal and if any **** tells you she is you should kick the effing **** in her teeth because she's clearly lying, lol. We all put on a show for about 3 months until the real us is revealed. I'm not fake. You will meet me, not my representative. I'll tell you right off the bat that I'm missing a few marbles. I'm also Pistanthrophobic. What's that? ANOTHER word to google? Yup, it's a fear of trusting people in general, causing most people to remain single.I want someone to care for me when I'm sick, to run out and surprise me with my favorite food when I'm down or feeling sad, someone supportive that can build an amazing relationship with me. I'm in no rush to get married or have babies so I won't be poking tiny, microscopic holes in the magnum wrapper - unless you're Donald Trump - which you're not so lets move on...Just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm lonely I choose to be single because I'm done settling, done dating shitty men. I know what I want, I know what I deserve and I don't ming waiting for it!I have 3 puppies that I treat like my children so if you don't like dogs there's a lovely little button located at the top right corner of your screen that was designed just for you! I don't cook but child, I can microwave my a$$ off! I don't settle and I have high standards. That doesn't mean I won't dine at McDonald's but you betsta believe I'ma supersize dat shyt.Oh yea, I'm a good time! Act now and I'll throw in a Slap Chop and Sham Wow. Just pay separate for shipping & handling. For a limited time only. While supplies last.If you want a model chick with a flat stomach look elsewhere. I'm curvy and have meat on me. "In my life, there's been heartache and pain. I don't know if I can face it again. Can't stop now, I've traveled so far to change this lonely life. I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me." ~ Foreginer