used to be funny, but it attracts too much crazy. used to believe, but then i met too many fundamentalists. used to like drinking, but then i got alcohol poisoning and had to walk six miles back to my car after i had fallen out of the trunk of someone else's. used to have bad habits, but now i keep tolerable vices. used to be an ass man, and that never changed, but ass is a cumbersome pursuit in the sense of if you have one, everyone wants a piece, and i do not compete for king of the hill with ass, or any body part really. you may think that's a weakness, but it saved me from more sh*tthan it's caused, and the thing about ass is, there's always more, and it usually comes cheaper each time. if i ever did find someone worth competing for, i'm sure itd be a mistake. love is an elusive, inhuman trait, often rejected or perverted or squandered. i love ass, and i can appreciate it from a distance. god forbid you have an ass and personality, though, i might melt. personality is a scary thing.